Cartman's Life
by Tweek Tweekers
Summary: What Cartman puts up with. Why he is how he is. Kind of romance but mostly a friendship : Kyman


I felt like writing a Kyman (: I hope it's not too fluffy.

* * *

"That Eric Cartman is a bad influence and I don't want you to hang around with him anymore. Understand Bubbe?" asked Kyle's mom. She was completely angry after finding out that Eric Cartman was doing drugs.

"Mom, don't overreact. He didn't do anything that bad." Kyle shrugged it off. He didn't care if Eric smoked. He thought it mellowed him out.

"Wha-Wha-What?" shouted Kyle's mom in that voice everyone found annoying. "I said stay away from him or your grounded!"

"Fine." moaned Kyle annoyed. Eighteen years old and his parents still threaten to ground him.

* * *

"Cartman, are you smoking?" asked Kyle, sounding a little disappointed.

He stood staring at Cartman with his mouth agape and eyes full of disapproval. Cartman was leaning against the dumpster casually. He was caught with a cigarette placed firmly between his index finger and middle finger, while it was being placed gently on his lips. Cartman froze for a minute but then blew a huff a smoke and dropped the cancer-stick. He stomped on it and continued to gaze at Kyle, "All I was doing was smoking, Kahl. It's not that bad." he replied in trying to sound like it didn't matter, "Don't get your jew panties in a knot."

"Cartman, that's disgusting! You know they call those things cancer-sticks for a reason!" exclaimed Kyle not really caring that Cartman smokes just getting irritated that Cartman was making fun of him yet again.

Cartman huffed and rolled his eyes, "Like I give a shit. Who wants to live to be eighty anyways?"

"I do." said Kyle annoyed. "Your killing yourself. You eat junk, you don't exercise, you're lazy and now you smoke! Day by day I'm going to have to watch you die! You're practically committing suicide!"

"Wow, way to be selfish, Kahl!" shouted Cartman and he stepped towards Kyle angrily but Kyle held his ground. "Why do you care if I die anyways? I don't even care if I die!" he shouted growing angrier and angrier.

Kyle was silent for a moment just staring at Cartman with harsh, slanted brows, showing his anger. He bit his lip and gulped, "My mom told me you were a bad influence."

"Oh what a fucking surprise! The jew-bitch doesn't like me! I'm so fucking hurt." Cartman scoffed and used sarcasm naturally. "Maybe I've never had someone to influence me, ever think of that?"

"What?" asked Kyle confused.

"No one's ever taught me right from wrong, you dumb fucking kike!" hissed Cartman.

Normally Kyle would retort with a, 'Don't call me a kike, fatass!' or he would fight him like usual but this time Kyle said nothing. Nothing at all.

"I know you have a fucking mother. I'm not stupid." hissed Kyle.

"Oh yeah a crackwhore what a great fucking influence!" shouted Cartman, anger and rage filling his eyes unlike ever before. He scoffed again and turned around to walk away. He grabbed his lighter and another cigarette. He looked down at the objects and muttered to himself, "She smokes, so why can't I?"

Kyle stepped towards him, "Cartman, dude, don't light the cigarette, it doesn't make you cool."

Cartman turned around quickly and blew a puff of smoke in Kyle's face then gave him a nasty smirk, "I think it's badass."

"You are disgusting." stated Kyle while coughing on the smoke.

"I don't just smoke stupid little cigarettes. I smoke crack, do heroine, I pop pills, I drink everything. I get it all from her." he smirked.

"Your mom really is a crackhead whore." said Kyle actually surprised he was dissing Cartman's mom and not the other way around.

"Well I'm fucking sorry we can't all have a fucking picture perfect family!" hissed Cartman one last time and he left Kyle quickly.

* * *

"Cartman, what are you doing out so late? Why aren't you home?" questioned Kyle curiously.

Cartman was walking around at 12:30 A.M. outside in the pouring rain. Cartman looked over at Kyle. He was in his car driving slowly beside Cartman.

Cartman wiped his nose and snuffled, "What's it to you jew boy?" he tried to sound intimidating or at least somewhat mean.

"Just curious. It's kind of late."

"No shit, Sherlock!" hissed Cartman not making any eye contact with Kyle.

After a long moment of silence and Kyle still following alongside Cartman, Cartman finally spoke up, "So what are you doing out late anyways? Won't your bitch of a mom have a fit?"

"I was over Stan's house. I fell asleep and we lost track of time I already called my mom." he informed Cartman.

"Ha. Fags!" he wanted his insult to come out harsh but it was quiet and didn't even hurt Kyle remotely.

"Cartman, get in." ordered Kyle and Cartman didn't object.

"What do you want Jew?"

"What are you doing outside so late? Seriously?"

Cartman fidgeted in Kyle's passenger seat. He played with the buttons and adjusted the seat so he wasn't so squished. "My mom is having a fucking orgy party at home and I just had to get out of the house." he explained quietly even with a hint of depression in his tone. Then he resorted back to the normal Cartman, or at least he tried to. "Not that it's any of your fucking business." he hissed harshly.

"I'm sorry." said Kyle. He didn't really know what he was apologizing for. Maybe because he didn't know what Cartman went through. Imagine having to watch your mom fuck around with multiple guys and not even having her care.

"For what?" asked Cartman timidly.

"For…for not ever taking time to listen. I kind of feel bad for you. The other day you said you never had anyone to influence you and that not everyone had a perfect family like mine or Stan's. I guess I'm apologizing for making you feel even worse than you probably already do." Kyle looked over at Cartman who was quietly sitting, playing with his thumbs.

"Thanks, that makes me feel great! I mean I thought I was being an overdramatic teen about my mom but you just opened the door for me and now I'm positive my life sucks. Thanks…" Kyle could practically see the sarcasm oozing out of Cartman's mouth.

Kyle gripped the steering wheel firmly, "Cartman I was trying to be fucking nice!"

"Well you screwed that up. Another piece of evidence proving gingers don't have souls and jews are just shape shifters."

Kyle felt his face boil with anger. "Cartman! I hate you! I was trying to be nice now that I understand your home life! I -"

"Fuck you! No you don't!" shouted Cartman cutting off Kyle.

Kyle was about to argue when Cartman undid his seatbelt and opened the moving car's door. Kyle went into a panic state and pulled the car over and turned to Cartman fuming with anger but before he could speak Cartman did, "You don't know what it's like to have no dad! I cry myself to sleep every fucking night knowing that I'll never have a man in my life to influence me! I cry knowing that on father's day I won't have a dad to spend it with! Do you know how that feels, Kahl? NO, you don't!"

Kyle didn't know how to respond but he didn't have to, Cartman kept talking, "You really don't know what it's like to have a whore for a mom! To have a mom that doesn't even give a shit about you! My mom runs off to random men's houses and leaves me without even telling me. I lay awake listening to my mom fucking guys I've never met." Cartman was now officially crying….yes the heartless sociopath was crying. "She's never been there for me when I've needed her, she's too busy fucking around with every man in town!"

It's like once Cartman started talking he couldn't stop, "You don't know how it feels having to teach yourself how to ride a bike because you don't have anyone to help you." he ran his hand through his wet hair and cried, "You don't fucking know anything about me!" he got out of the car and slammed the door shut.

Kyle got out instantly and ran over to Cartman who was now sitting on a curb muttering curse words, "You don't know how much it hurt for me to wake up in the middle of the night screaming from bad dreams but no I didn't have anyone to run to my side and save me from the boogie-man or the monsters under my bed. No I grew up protecting myself."

"I thought your mom was nice to you." said Kyle uncomfortably.

"She stopped pretending to care years ago." Cartman scoffed, "God I fucking hate her…"

Cartman put his head in his hands and just cried. Kyle didn't know what to do. None of his friends really shared their emotions or feelings with him like that. He patted Cartman's back uncomfortably. "You don't know shit Kahl…you really don't know what it's like to be me."

Kyle opened his mouth to speak but closed it again. He just patted Cartman's back and let him cry. Now he's starting to understand why Cartman is the way he is. Why he acts so distant from everyone, why he fights everyone, and why he doesn't trust anyone. I guess you really do have to walk in each other's shoes to really know them and what they've been through.

* * *

School, senior year to be exact, officially sucked ass. Too much drama. Lies. Rumors. Girls. Bitches. Whores. Dicks. Cliques. And well in other words it was just hell on earth. Kyle and Stan grabbed their lunch and moved over to an empty table. Kyle looked over and saw Cartman sitting alone picking at his lunch, no not eating it, just picking at it.

Ever since the night Cartman poured his emotions out to Kyle he hadn't been the same. He's just gone into a depression. Maybe that night he had a realization about his life and just gave up on living. Kyle sighed, "Stan, let's sit with Cartman."

"Why? He's a fucking dick. I don't feel in the mood to be bagged on." Stan bit into his pizza.

"But come on, I feel bad for him." Kyle looked over at Cartman who looked absolutely miserable, "I actually pity him."

"Why?" asked Stan again, "He's just a spoiled bitch."

"No he isn't. He's had a hard life. Like a really fucked up life to tell you the truth." Stan gave Kyle a strange look but Kyle just kept talking, "I mean I used to think he bagged on my mom because he was a dick but now…I think I know why he does. He bags on her because my mom is his ideal mom. She cares about me and does everything for me, I'm her whole life! While Cartman's mom just ignores him and barely knows him…"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" asked Stan completely confused and a little weirded out by Kyle's sudden sympathy towards Cartman.

"I'm going to sit with him, dude." he got up and sat across from Cartman and Stan followed slowly behind.

Cartman didn't even have the energy to insult him, he was up the whole night crying so he didn't get any sleep. Kyle smiled gently at him, "Hey, what's up?"

Cartman moaned and picked at his plate a bit, "Nothing…"

There was a long silence while Kyle just stared at Cartman with utter pity. "Want to hang out after school?"

Stan gave Kyle another odd look, "What?"

Kyle gave him an innocent look, "What? I was just asking if he wanted to hang out."

Cartman shook his head, "No."

After school Kyle decided to drop by Cartman's house. Cartman said he didn't want to go to Kyle's house but that doesn't mean Kyle can't go to his house. He knocked on the door and a few moments later Cartman opened the door, still looking depressed. He raised an eyebrow, "What are you doing here?"

"Hey to you too." Kyle said smugly and walked in.

Cartman shut the door and turned around while Kyle just waltzed in as if it were any other day, "Let's watch some TV or something." Kyle plopped onto the couch.

Cartman looked at him questioningly, "Okay."

Kyle smiled at him, "So where's your mom?"

Cartman's eyes widened for a split second then he scratched his head and pulled his hat down, "She left yesterday."

"She left?" Kyle repeated confused.

"Yeah…she went to Vegas with some dude. She's probably eloping, that skank…" he muttered.

There was a silence then Kyle spoke, "You know you've been acting different since that day I caught you outside. Like you seem wicked depressed, I don't really like it. Can you tell me what's wrong with you, so I can fix it?"

Cartman leaned back in his chair, "I don't really know what's wrong with me."

"Well why do you feel like upset?" asked Kyle trying to pry some answer out of him.

"I don't know. I mean I think I'm just…I think I've- had an epiphany about my life." Cartman sank into the couch more and more. Kyle was about to respond but Cartman cut him off, "I think I'm sad because-"

"Cartman, I'm not your therapist or anything but I seriously suggest you talk about your problems. Like you shouldn't bottle it up." said Kyle trying to be comforting.

"Well yeah I was saying how I-"

"I mean I know you said a lot the other day but there are a lot of good things about your life." Kyle continued.

"Yeah well-" Cartman was cut off again by Kyle and this was expanding Cartman's anger.

"And you know-"

"Shut up you goddamn jew!" shouted Cartman.

Kyle then retorted out of instinct, "Shut the fuck up, fatass!"

"Well I was trying to talk to you and you know open up but then you cut me off! Goddamn jew can't shut your mouth!"

Kyle bit his lip holding back anger, "Cartman, I just wanted to help you."

"Well you can help by listening!"

"Okay, I'm listening." he replied and watched him intently.

"Well I'm sad. I'm sad because I've come to the realization that…that no one has ever really cared about me. My dad didn't claim me, my friends don't even like me, my mom thinks I'm a burden and-" Cartman's voice cracked, "You're my closest friend that I've ever had and…I know you hate me. So the closest person to me hates me." he wiped his tears quickly.

Kyle watched Cartman and sighed, "I don't hate you. We just don't always see eye to eye."

"No you don't get it. No one loves or cares about me. If I died I don't think anyone would care."

"I care." replied Kyle very quickly.

Cartman was quiet for a minute but then he turned to Kyle, "You do?"

"Yeah. Cartman, you've been my friend for like ever and if you died, I'd probably die a little too."

Another moment of silence, but not an awkward silence, a comfortable silence filled the room. Kyle and Cartman just stared at each other. Cartman's mouth agape for a minute until a small smile painted his face and Kyle mirrored him.

A slight peck and Kyle and Cartman jumped back. They gave each other worried looks but then Kyle smirked again, "That was actually kind of…nice."

Cartman smiled. Someone does care about him and well it was the one person he least expected to even tolerate him. Kyle Broflovski is the one person that loves Eric Theodore Cartman.

"You're a fag!"

* * *

Why don't you take a walk in Cartman's shoes? Let's look through his eyes for a while.


End file.
